Sunday, March 02, 2008

Sinister, Yet Brilliant

In my perpetual struggle to become a skinny, hot, hard-bodied, trophy wife*, I have started following an exercise plan called the "German Body Composition" workout, which consists of three superset workouts per week and clean, lower-carb eating in the first several weeks of the program. I've been resisting freshly glazed apple fritters and donuts and cookies and all things sugary or bread-like, while training like a demon for the last two weeks. I've increased my energy levels and alertness, and also lost a humble few pounds and inches along the way.

Well, the first phase of the eating plan on this program prescribes that I eat natural high-protein (read: something that swam in the water or walked or crawled on the earth or flew in the air at some point), low-carb (read: it's green and fibrous and grew out of the ground) foods for two weeks, and then take a "cheat day" to essentially eat whatever I want.

Today is my cheat day, following two long, meaty weeks of training and clean eating. Interestingly enough, I've not had many cravings, though I have satisfied my need for sugar by finishing off some leftover ice cream and noshing on a cookie or two so far. I've also had about 1.5 pieces of white bread. Already I'm feeling...disgusting.

I think this is part of the program's sinister plan; resist temptation and eat well, and then gorge yourself like a starved pig and feel bad about it physically and mentally afterwards. Then use those negative feelings to deter yourself from any desire to "cheat" until your next break meal, 5 days down the road.

It reminds me of those stories you hear about kids who get caught smoking, and whose parents force them to smoke a full pack in one sitting as their consequence (I'm certainly not saying that this is an ethical consequence, just that it has happened to some and I hear it works). More often than not, these kids get so sick of cigarettes by their 20th one that they never smoke again.

I think this program works with the same concept: gorge yourself on junk food after eating clean and feeling better for two weeks, and then notice the difference in how you feel physically and mentally afterwards. Use the unpleasant after-effects of gorging to deter you from further "breaks" until you are allowed a break meal again, 5 days later.

I haven't even *gorged* yet and already I feel horrible both mentally and physically. I think this sinister, yet brilliant plan of Poliquin's (he's the guy who designed the program) is working perfectly. Already I feel like I'm done with junk food and would like to return to wholesome, caveman-style eating.

I'm hoping that my disgust with processed food and with how I feel right now will translate into further weight reductions and measurement decreases in weeks to come. I'll keep you posted.

* Right now it's pretty evident that Hubbs married me more for personality and brains than looks, but I'd like to reach the point where my ridiculous hotness completely overshadows my larger-than-life personality and genius brainpower.


Ontario Emperor said...

Don't trophy wives have to smile a lot and venture no opinions? I don't think you'd survive. :)

tejanamama said...


Mrs. Loquacious said...

*blink blink* *SMILE* :)

Hurene said...

good work! :) 2 weeks is quite a long time.
staying away from processed food is a good idea. At night I would have these weird coughing fits, and I figured out that it was when I ate these frozen chicken bowl "dinners"...

Catherine_Jane said...

I can't provide comments on this - my areas of possible refinement are no where related to food and never really have been... I have to remember this when counselling my female clients as chocolate and/or sweets seem to be a redundant theme. I stopped eating all but a little sugar (mostly fruit based), I stopped missing sugar, I no longer want to have anything to do with sugar. Pizza tempts me but I kow better than to eat more than 3 medium slices at the most. This is turning into a rant but if anyone listens to anything I say - and no one does of course... If you eat in moderation you will be healthy. If you eat junk and you stop eating junk for long enough you don't crave it anymore and when you eat it, it makes your body do gross digestive malfunctions. "Diets" only lead to future failure. The D word the way you eat daily. 1200 cshouldn't be used the way we do. Diet should be the term for the way we eat daily. 1200 calories such as what they suggest for a Jenny Craig diet will give you results in the short term but providing your long term plan is to waste away and have your own body eat any tissue it can get a hold of... you cant live the rest of your life eating 1200 calories a day. Instead of eating nothing - add movement into your life. How will you feel if by the time you are 45 you have troubles merely squatting and getting back up again off the toilet. I'm totally serious - it isnt just about body shaping anymore these days (everyone just has surgery that can afford it anyway) - it is quality of life and if some day soon you are so out of shape you can't get off the toilet... what would you prefer - that you are skinny and/or fat but without any muscle tone and you can't do ANY daily activities... or you worked in some form of exertion that you "ENJOY" and you eat sensibly for 85% of the time. (If you hate the gym but you love rollerblading then get your ass out there and rollerblade 4 times a week - if you hate everything then get someone to make you accountable).
*breathing out*