Monday, November 26, 2007

Don't Mind Me..I'm Just Having a Mini-Meltdown

Hubbs and I are never apart. We hung out nearly every day when we were dating. When we got married over 2 years ago, we sort of holed up and again, shared every night together, with the exception of an occasional conference for me or him, in which case we were still never more than 2 nights apart from one another. There never arose any situation that could not be rectified by one of us joining the other, to ensure that we were only 2 days or nights away from one other.

That is, until now. My dear Hubbs is living the high life in Vancouver at this very moment, there to speak and attend a big nerd convention/conference that runs nearly a week in length. I will be joining him, but not until Thursday; I am working and cannot spare the time to go any earlier (parent-teacher interviews), and he wouldn't be available to hang out with me prior to that day anyway. This means that, for the first time in our relationship (not including the long-distance courtship at the beginning), we will be apart for more than 2 nights - 4 nights, to be exact.

And I, being the Stage-5 clinger that I am, am not feeling very cool with it. It is an irrational uncoolness, however, not based in reality or rational thought whatsoever. Hubbs has been great; he has MSN'ed with me, been on the phone with me, and has even been willing to send me text messages to keep me in the loop on how he's doing. I honestly have no reason to complain, given that many other husbands I know of don't even bother to call their wives when they are away on business trips.

However, the awesomeness of my man has in no way detracted from this terrible lonesome feeling that is eating away at my insides. Though I have never been abandoned, I feel as though I have abandonment issues. I have no idea why. I'm sure it's rooted in some deep-seated fear or traumatic experience from my youth, that my subconscious has suppressed up until now. Whatever it is, it has rendered me nearly incapable of functioning normally when I talk to, or about, Hubbs. I fall to pieces and big alligator tears start rolling down my cheeks. Then, the ugly sobs come.

See, I told you it was irrational. My poor man has to deal with the stress of his presentation and the stress of, well, ME. Isn't he a lucky guy? ;)

I am hoping that, after I get back into "work mode" today, my strange mini-meltdown will begin to pass. It's either that, or else I will be a basketcase by Thursday, and deemed unfit to travel, which would ultimately lead me down a cycle of loneliness that would result in my mental and emotional demise by Sunday.

Happy Monday!


Cristina :) said...

GET A GRIP WOMAN!!! You like that roof over your head and the whole eating on a daily basis thing right? Let him shine at the conference so he can be the soughtafter geek you know and love and make MORE MONEY for ya ;) LOL Let him focus! Get busy marking! I KNOW I KNOW easier said than done! I was the same way until I had to do a month away from Dh when we moved down here. That was hard, but I was more hurt by the fact that the little one missed him and it put things into perspective for me. THursday will be here in no time! Cry hard so that it counts as ab-work! ;)

Mrs. Loquacious said...

I am starting to reconsider my need for a roof and regular food (I have a lot stored up!:P). He is shining tons at the conference, but I am grappling with abandonment issues. If crying = ab work, then I gotta say I should have a six-pack by Thursday!

Sylvana said...

Although I can't relate to this level of clingy, I do have a suggestion:
You need to get a good book or a video game to distract you. I find that if I am involved in either of these, I have no time for anything else.
Hang in there!

Catherine said...

I'm surprised you haven't posted since he got home... I'm also surprised at your reaction... Have you looked at the guys they were all hanging out with? Sure they can put back a beer or two but can they pick up wild packs of chicks? This is co-incedentally the longest I think I've been apart from Steve and for me it was lonely but kind of refreshing... I say be ready to enjoy those moments apart for what they are - reminders why you miss them - not major stress inducing episodes!!!

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Sylvana - I do have at my disposal a whole lot of books yet to be read and more video game systems than any human being should actually own. It's just that, in melt-down mode, it is hard to actually will oneself to do these things; the satisfying wailing seems to take precedence ;)

Catherine - we just both got home late last night. I flew out to meet up with him, so I actually got to see, live and in person, some of these guys that Hubbs was hanging with. Most of them, you are right, would have better chances of scoring beer than scoring babes. That said, I was lonesome more than jealous most of the time he was gone.

I'm glad you found Steve's absence refreshing; he was literally LOST without you. I believe this was one of the running jokes around DevTeach - that if you weren't around, nobody would be sure what would happen to Steve; did he mention he got lost finding his way home? :) You are definitely his compass and his rock!

I don't like prolonged absences from Hubbs; I definitely am reminded of how much I miss him when he's gone, but I don't like that it isn't followed up immediately by his return. I think I want to fly out to join him the next few times he's gone on these trips...and it sounds like there are many more coming down the pipe! You should come out too...we can be Coding Widows for the day when they're gone. :)