Monday, June 18, 2007

Since When Is an "X" Family-Friendly?

Pardon the poor pun. By "X" I mean "ex," and by "ex" I mean: "person-with-whom-one-had-a-previous-relationship-that-is-now-over."

Is there such a thing as staying friends with an ex, particularly once both parties have moved onto happy, permanent relationships with other people?

In most cases, I personally do not think so. I think t
hat it is unhealthy to remain connected with someone from the past long after the relationship is done. I think that a desire to stay connected is borne out of a (sub)conscious lingering hope of reconciliation (and resumption of the relationship) with the other person. I think that if the ex wants to reconnect or remain in a friendship with someone long after the other person has moved on, that this is because somewhere deep inside the ex they are still harbouring unresolved feelings for the other person.

Of course, there are exceptions. I know of one, where the guy has remained close friends with all of his ex'es over the past decade. He is the only healthy anomaly that I am aware of. Other than that, I daresay that most people who claim to still be on friendly terms with their ex'es do not have healthy platonic relationships with them; there is always an imbalance of affection from one side, whether they claim that it is there or not. There is always one party who is holding on to what could have been, what used to be, and what could still be.

I am lucky that Hubbs and I are pretty much on the same page on this issue. He doesn't think it is all that healthy to remain friends with exes, either, so he puts up appropriate boundaries to protect our marriage and our relationship as his first priority. I do the same. However, I'm curious to know what others' experiences are like concerning this topic. I'm sure some of you will agree with me, and others will balk at my thoughts (which are just my opinions). Some of you will have lived the experience of being the ex, or being the party who has moved on, or being the significant other of one of the two. What are your experiences? What are your thoughts on the matter? Enlighten me. Let's discuss :)


With Love, Fat Girl said...

Oh, I totally agree with you. I can't see myself being all buddy buddy with someone I used to sleep with, when their issues drove me insane to the point that we could no longer see each other!

Some people have no problem with it, though I'll never understand how.

Mrs. Loquacious said...

I can't see that happening with me either, or with Hubbs. As the spouse, I take greater issue with people from HIS past who try to reinsert themselves into his life. Note the operative word - try. He will not allow it, nor will I.

Cristina :) said...


Of course, me on the other hand.... ;) ?????

I would still be friends with one Ex if we saw each other again, which we haven't in ages. I would be open to it, and we have talked on the phone since I have been married. I would probably feel weird at some point and come to my senses, but he's an OLD OLD OLD ex. Innocent Young love and all that jazz! :)

Anonymous said...

Exes always rock! Know it!

Mrs. Loquacious said...

Cristina, I agree with the NO WAY JOSE part, and of course you always end up an exception to the rule! :P

Anonymous...I take it you're an ex? I guess perhaps it is time to emotionally let go of the former flame, since they have moved on and it's not altogether healthy to pine away for what "could have been." =P