Friday, August 18, 2006

Snakes on a Plane - A Girly Girl's Biased Review

(Warning: Contains spoilers about the movie)

According to all of the guys I saw this movie with, the movie was amazing and awful all at the same time. I, however, only caught part of the movie, having hidden behind my Hubbs for nearly half of the flick. It was funny, it was gory, and it was... well, snakes on a plane.

The plot consisted of some dirt-biking surfer dude named Sean who accidentally stumbles upon a lawyer being tortured and killed by Asian gangsters in a lush jungle in Hawaii. These bad guys (all of whom are buff and Asian and lethal killing machines) catch sight of Sean and decide that he must die, to prevent him from testifying to their brutal bloody murder.

Sean is somehow tracked down by the Asian mafia and subsequently rescued by Samuel L., although the audience has no idea how either Samuel L. or the bad guys come to figure out both his identity and where he lives.

After a brief and lame interrogation scene, Sammy convinces him to testify against these evil Asian mafia in L.A. Sammy & Sean commandeer the first-class section of a plane and fly back, only to discover part-way through the flight that the bad guys have loaded the plane with pheromone-agitated, poisonous snakes of varying origin and species. This army of slithering evil then proceeds to poison and kill passengers in a variety of gory ways, infesting every orifice of the plane (except first class, where Sean is being kept). Sammy must try to save the passengers while ensuring that Sean doesn't get killed by the snakes.

The movie had every cliched character in the book, including an effeminate male flight attendant, a slutty flight attendant, a lady with a baby, young boys traveling on their own, an arrogant European businessman, a music star, a dog-loving prissy beauty queen-type, a token Asian kickboxing champion, a honeymooning wife and her fly-phobic new hubby, a booze-swigging tacky old lady (think Mimi from Drew Carey Show), and an over-sexed and over-drugged horny couple.

It also had some very entertaining funny moments, although I probably missed half of them since my eyes were closed and my head was turned away from the screen.

Anyway, I don't know how to rate this movie, but if you like cult-favourite-type movies or gratuitous snake violence or Samuel L. Jackson, you should watch this movie. If you only like movies with fabulous plots and well-developed storylines and great acting, then watch something else.


3 comments:

Ridley Thunder said...

You didn't think the part where the other snake stopped the other snake from biting that kid with a speech on "needless violence, and a cycle of terror" was not a great story arc? come on! Bring on the Oscar!

Reel Fanatic said...

Snakes just scare the bejesus out of me, but I'm gonna try and see this later today .. I may have to hide my face some, but we'll see!

Wobbly*Bits said...

I've always wondered how the snakes got on the plane. Did they sneak on? Were they being transported? Was it some funky new decoration idea? I got the impression it was the transport route, but who knows. Regardless I can't see this. Pictures of snakes scare the crap out of me. I do enjoy seeing Samuel L's movies and counting how many times he says "Mother Fucker". I think I'll make a drinking game out of that...