Saturday, June 24, 2006

Worse Than Mosquitos

Truly, there aren't many things worse than telemarketers (including mosquitos). What would possess a company to think that their unwelcome in-your-face intrusion into peoples' homes will suddenly drum up business for their crappy product?

I've begun to look for ways to get rid of these annoying phone calls. For the live calls, I have heard of several really good suggestions. Some of the best ones I've heard of are:

-ask the telemarketer what they're wearing, and proceed to tell them what *you* are wearing, in a sexy, seductive, or smarmy voice

-start reading from a really boring textbook (or read your boring PhD thesis to them) any time they try to speak
-answer the phone, and immediately give the receiver to your dog or your babbling toddler. Let them bark or babble into the phone until the telemarketer hangs up or your pet or child loses interest.
-pretend not to understand English, and speak to them in a foreign language

I've tried this last approach a few times now, and it seems to have worked well. Call display lets me know who is calling, and then I answer and proceed to speak in Cantonese. Fluently. And with that annoying hen-peck Chinese voice that only the busybodies (see-lais) use. This usually scares off the telemarketer, and if they don't end the call then I usually will (while uttering in Chinese about how I have no idea what they're talking about). I might begin trying to do this in
Toisan as well, just to give myself some variety.

Unfortunately, I have yet to figure out a way to get rid of automated telemarketing recordings. Recently we've been getting these prerecorded calls f
rom Texas telling us that we've won a cruise (without even mentioning our name - how impersonal a prize!) and that to claim the prize, we need to hit "0" (or some other number on our phone). We've been hanging up these calls (no sense wasting my valuable language skills on a recording) but they still keep coming at all sorts of weird hours of the day.

Any suggestions?


cristinaI said...

I love "Get Fuzzy"! That is one of my favorite strips! Here we have the "No Call List" that the government runs. Thankfully since signing up for that, we pretty much never get those annoying calls anymore! The only ones we get are from our existing credit lenders for additional services and loans. Just as unwanted, but legal.